WHEN CHRISTIANS DATE OR MARRY AN UNBELIEVER

Posted: January 8, 2014 in Uncategorized
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“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14

 

Unequally yoked—”yoked with one alien in spirit.” To be sure, one of the warnings the Apostle Paul seems to suggest in his admonition to the Corinthian church as it relates to conduct in the daily life of a believer, not to join with someone in acts which would lead to idolatry, such as participating in things which are wrong morally, being in union with those who have no relationship with the Lord where it subverts ones own walk with God, and finally, dating and marrying someone who is not a believer in Jesus Christ.

There is such a thing as God’s permissive will, that is, God has his own, unique and perfect will for his children, who seek to do his will, yet there are times when God’s will and our will do not align themselves and, for whatever reason, people take the path of least resistance. A permissive will is filled with peril, why? Because when we take the position of going our particular way and not God’s way, what we are really saying is, our way is better than God’s way, we have more understanding than God in this matter, whatever particular matter it might be. This can lead us into spiritual destruction and because God is who he is, he often times, when presented with such a desire, will allow a person to go in that direction for the express purpose of teaching us a lesson, but what a lesson it often times brings. But that is the nature of God, who gives man a free will, but that free will, when used outside the scope of God’s instruction, wisdom and guidance, reveals not only our spiritual heart, but God’s desire to lead us on the right path.

Please don’t think that just because you might take action which runs counter of God’s prescribed order (his perfect will) that God approves of such direction – he doesn’t. Actually, to say that God “allows” or “permits” wrong choices does not mean that He sanctions it in the sense that he approves of it. It is easy to discern that God never permits sin in the sense that He sanctions it in His creatures. What is usually meant by divine permission is that God simply lets it happen. That is, He does not directly intervene to prevent its happening, but he does make it perfectly clear before we go in that direction of the consequences of those actions. All we have to do is look to Abraham. God told Abraham that if he would trust him and believe by faith that God would give him a son, that he would make his seed as the stars of heaven. Yet, Abraham went his own way and the results were devastating.

When Christians date and then marry someone who is not a believer, what they are doing is subjecting their own personal will over God’s will and the results are always the same – spiritual disaster. How many times have I seen a young Christian woman date a man knowing full well he had no heart for church or for God, but flesh, when left unchecked, leaves little room for God’s will, and that same woman, when she succumbs to that desire, ends up in a marriage which hinders her entire growth for the rest of her days. Understand, the flesh has a will of its own, that’s why the word says in Galatians 5:16 “So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.”

When Christians are distracted by the world, or those in it, it can many times bring untold problems along the way. This is why that even though we are in the world, we are not of it, there must be a full separation between our lives and those within this world. This also includes the ritual of dating and marriage.

When a Christian dates someone who is not a believer, there is usually a reason for it, sometimes it’s due to rebellion against the parents, or it’s to “test” the waters, but make no mistake, God looks at it from a standpoint which says, “If you play with fire, expect to be burned.” Again, God is willing to guide us in this life, but it must be done under his instruction, not ours. So when a Christian woman or man dates, or even marry’s a person who has no relationship with Christ, it is like oil and water, the mixture is volatile.

The results will either be a full departure from the faith, or, the relationship (if it grows into marriage) will greatly hinder the plan of God, so much so that it will cause the person serving the Lord to lose their desire and in most every time, the results are the same, the believer ends up losing the battle and the more dominant partner exercises their right to controlling the other, which many times leads to spiritual destruction, and possibly the loss of the soul.

It must be understood by all that Satan is like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Satan’s goal is to destroy and kill every opportunity or dream or vision for the believer, especially in single believers. Satan knows that if he can hinder or distract the believer from doing God’s plan, he can hinder that plan by using one of the most easy to use gifts God has given us all – the heart. Matters of the heart is one of the hardest things to deal with, especially when it comes to love. And it’s the most often times the most used forces by the enemy to bring about great problems as well.

So what is the answer? The answer is found in Psalm 27:11 “Teach me your way, O LORD, and lead me on a level path because of my enemies.” Seeking God’s will and perfect way is much better than seeking our own direction. Actually, Jesus himself stated that our first and only will is to do the will of the Father (Matthew 6:33). And what of those who truly did not seek his will and whose lives have since become damaged because of roads not taken? The first thing is to repent, repent for not going God’s prescribed plan of direction and then second, ask the Lord to open the door to be a witness which might cause the unbelieving spouse to see the love of Christ in their life which will bring about salvation. God can restore any life, any situation, and any bad choice we make, if we allow him to. Then seek his perfect will for your life as he reveals it. Then trust him to fulfill it.

For those who are single and looking for a mate, the will of the Father is to seek his kingdom first, then God will move to bring what he wants into your life. So many times the believer, especially single believers, face an onslaught of challenges when it comes to dating and marriage. Our culture continues to promote certain kinds of love, but that sort of love is based on flesh, not on the spiritual, so the believer must continually place his or her will into God’s plan and his will and then trust him and walk in God’s way and most importantly, be led by his spirit in all things. As long as we walk by the spirit, we won’t fulfill the lust of the flesh, every time. That is the answer for the believer in our world today, especially when it comes to dating and marriage.

Christopher

Comments
  1. Annessa Adkisson says:

    Thanks Christopher for sharing this. Right on the mark!

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